By: Tara Brock, LPC and Mom

As a therapist and a mom, I know that transitions can be difficult, even when they are transitions, we have been preparing for. The start of a new school year can bring excitement, but it can also bring uncertainty, worry, and a lot of “what ifs” for both children and parents.

I’m already hearing from clients who are feeling these emotions. Some children are worried about a new teacher or classroom, making friends, academic expectations, sports, or simply getting used to a new schedule. For children moving into a new school building or a new stage of their education, the transition can feel even bigger.

Parents can experience their own worries, too. We may wonder how our child will adjust, whether they will make friends, how they will handle the workload, or whether they are ready for a new level of independence. Sometimes our children can pick up on our stress, even when we don’t realize we are communicating it.

Start With Connection, Not Correction

When a child says, “I don’t want to go back to school,” our first instinct may be to reassure them: “You’ll be fine!” or “You always do well.”

While reassurance is well-intentioned, it can sometimes move past the feeling before the child has had a chance to express it.

Instead, try:

“It sounds like you’re feeling pretty worried about going back.”

Or:

“Tell me what part feels hardest.”

This is emotional validation. We are not telling our children that something bad will happen. We are showing them that their feelings are safe to talk about.

Don’t Force the Conversation

One of the most helpful things I have learned as both a therapist and a mom is that meaningful conversations don’t always happen when we sit down and announce, “Let’s talk about your feelings.”

Children and teens often open up when there is less pressure and they are doing something alongside us.

Try talking while:

• Cooking dinner together
• Grilling outside
• Tossing a ball in the yard
• Baking something
• Going for a walk
• Driving in the car
• Running errands together
• Getting ready for bed

There is something about doing an activity side by side that can make a conversation feel more natural. You don’t always need eye contact or a formal conversation. Sometimes a child will tell you something important while you’re measuring ingredients or sitting next to them in the car.

Follow their lead. If they open the door to a conversation, try to listen before jumping in with advice.

Make Time for One-on-One Conversations

In a busy family, it can be difficult for children to have uninterrupted time with a parent. Sometimes siblings are always nearby, and a child may not want to share something personal in front of them.

Whenever possible, create opportunities to speak with your child one-on-one and away from their siblings.

It doesn’t have to be a big outing. A quick walk around the block, a trip to the store, getting a snack, or a short drive together can provide an opportunity for your child to talk without feeling like everyone is listening.

For older children and teens especially, these small moments of privacy can make a significant difference.

Break Big Worries Into Smaller Pieces

Sometimes “school” feels overwhelming because it represents one giant unknown.

Help your child break it down.

Instead of asking, “Are you nervous about school?”, try:

“What’s one thing you’re looking forward to?”

“What’s one thing you’re unsure about?”

“What’s one thing you think might be hard?”

Then focus on what is within their control.

If they are worried about getting lost, walk through the school together if possible. If they are worried about remembering their schedule, help them create a simple visual reminder. If they are worried about meeting new people, talk about a few natural ways to start a conversation.

The goal isn’t to eliminate every worry. It’s to help your child feel capable of handling what comes their way.

Watch the “What If” Thinking

Anxiety often speaks in “what ifs.”

What if nobody likes me?

What if I get lost?

What if I fail?

Rather than responding with, “Don’t worry about that,” help your child examine the thought.

You might say:

“That’s something you’re imagining might happen. What do we know for sure?”

Then ask:

“If that did happen, what could you do?”

This helps children move from feeling helpless to recognizing that they have choices and coping skills.

Give Children Appropriate Control

Transitions can feel easier when children have some ownership.

Let them help choose school supplies, organize their backpack, plan a few lunches, select an outfit for the first day, or create a comfortable morning routine.

For older children and teens, this may mean giving them more responsibility for managing their schedule while remaining available to support them.

Independence doesn’t mean doing everything alone. It means gradually helping children discover, “I can handle this.”

Parents: Take Care of Your Own Emotions

Supporting a child through a transition can be emotionally demanding. Parents don’t have to be calm every second, but it is important to recognize and manage our own stress.

Take a walk. Exercise. Talk with a friend. Have a few quiet minutes with your coffee. Make time for something that helps you feel like yourself.

And remember that your child’s transition doesn’t have to be perfect.

There may be tears. There may be complaints. There may be mornings when everyone is running late and nobody can find a shoe.

That’s family life.

Our children don’t need us to eliminate every difficult feeling. They need us to show them that difficult feelings can be managed and that we can move through transitions together.

Remember That Adjustment Takes Time

The first day, or even the first week, doesn’t necessarily tell us how the entire school year will go.

Some children adjust quickly. Others need more time.

Give your child space to settle into the new routine. Continue checking in, but don’t make every interaction about school. Let them have ordinary conversations, laughter, downtime, and time to simply be themselves.

And if anxiety continues to interfere with your child’s sleep, appetite, friendships, school attendance, or everyday functioning, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for additional support.

As a therapist and a mom, I believe one of the most powerful things we can give our children during any transition is the confidence that they don’t have to figure everything out at once and they don’t have to do it alone.

Sometimes the most important conversation isn’t a formal one. It happens while we’re flipping pancakes, grilling in the backyard, tossing a ball, driving home from somewhere, or taking a walk together.

Those ordinary moments can become some of the most meaningful opportunities for connection.

If back-to-school anxiety is becoming overwhelming for your child—or for you—you don’t have to navigate it alone. The therapists at Your Path to Empowerment support children, teens, and parents through anxiety, life transitions, school-related stress, and the many emotions that come with growing up and letting go.